A Constant Anxiety

Lately I've been feeling a constant, low level of anxiety that won't go away. It's hard to put my finger on exactly where it comes from and why it won't go away, but it's a general sensation of feeling out of my element here in Germany.

Unfortunately, I still haven't learned enough of the language yet to feel confident talking to strangers, whether it's the gas station attendant (no outside credit card pumps), grocery store cashier, clerk at a mall store, or anywhere else. And while I thought the anxiety level would lessen over time, it's actually gotten worse because at first I could just act like a tourist, but now I feel compelled to say as much as I can in German and explain that I am still learning (and not fast enough I might add).

So I mentioned this nagging anxiety to a friend from Ireland and she emailed me some great links about the real definition and diagnosis of culture shock. While most people think of a spontaneous, quick event when they hear the word "shock," this type is actually an ongoing condition and it has multiple phases. It seems I'm through the "honeymoon" or "tourist" phase where everything is fun because it's new and exciting. Now I'm in the "negotiation" phase where "that sense of excitement eventually gives way to new and unpleasant feelings of frustration and anger as I continue to have unfavorable encounters."

I've been here almost six months now and I hope to reach the "adjustment" phase very soon, which typically occurs between the six- and twelve-month time period. For some things, I have reached this level where I feel like the German behavior or expectations are "normal," but for the most part I'm stuck in that previous phase where things are very strange and sometimes offensive.

A big challenge for me is the directness of the German culture. As you know, I'm an overly friendly person and I smile a lot. I would never say "give me that pen." I, like most Americans, am more indirect and say, "If you wouldn't mind, could I please borrow your pen if you're not using it?" That drives the Germans crazy because they think I'm using too many words (and too much time) to request something simple. They aren't offended if you say "give me that pen." That's the norm here, but for me it's still very strange.

So after I read the great articles online about culture shock, I felt much better the rest of the day. I even drove to a friend's house this evening and could feel the difference in my stress level when I was driving. I think driving is when I feel the most anxiety, because I'm still not confident about the driving rules and signs. Maybe after I get my German driving license, that will assure me that I know enough to be safe on the road. We'll see if there's a change at that point.

There are more phases in the culture shock continuum, but maybe I'll come back to those in a few months when I get closer to reaching them. If you're interested in reading a bit more about true culture shock, check out http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Culture_shock.