My Apology

I owe some friends an apology for a true culture and personality gap. I honestly thought my perspective was more appropriate than someone else's and I was wrong.

Here in Germany, personal privacy is a big deal. The thought of having full-body scanners at the airports is an absolute joke and sending your resume to companies without asking first if the position is still available is seen as revealing your information to more people than necessary. In the States, many people think their airplane is more safe with more scanners and that you should get your resume onto as many desks as possible.

And to top off the typical American view of not needing so much privacy, I am an extremely open person in general. In fact, I've had new people I meet say, "Wow. I've learned more about your life in this first 10 minutes than you'll probably ever know about mine." And many people have asked if I have any secrets...I don't. I'll answer any question you ask and often times I'll share personal information without being drilled for it.

I knew this would be an adjustment for me, because my German friends told me before moving here that I tell way more about myself than anyone in Germany does. I actually have to hold myself back when talking to new friends, because I'm afraid I will push people away if I share too many details too quickly. While some people like my openness, lots of people here think it's really strange!

So here's the story that deserves my apology: While I was visiting Germany at Christmas time last year, I took lots of fun photos and put them on Facebook. Once I arrived here in May, I learned that many people in Germany are not a fan of Facebook because they want to keep their private lives private. While I understand that nothing is 100% secure from hackers, I do have my Facebook settings set to where only my "friends" can see my information and photos. I thought that was private enough that my German friends wouldn't mind being in the photos since it's just for my "friends" in the States to learn about my German adventures. WRONG! My German friends recently found out I had posted pictures of them online and were very upset!

To be honest, my first reaction was that they are too conservative and since my privacy settings are as strict as they can be on Facebook, it shouldn't be a big deal. I thought maybe they didn't understand that it's not on the open Internet, but instead just in a place where my friends can see the photos. I also (selfishly) didn't want to take the photos down because they were great shots of what I'm experiencing here and I didn't have good photos of those locations without the people in them. But the more I thought about their perspective, I realized that I should have respected their wishes and taken the Christmas photos down as soon as they mentioned in May that they didn't want to be on the Internet. That comment, as surprising as it was to me, should have triggered me to go back to the album and delete the photos immediately. But I didn't. And I'm sorry.

So I've learned there are many cultural differences here, some which I agree with wholeheartedly and some which I don't. Understanding these differences, however, does encourage me to do better at respecting others' wishes and perspectives.

Everyone's Connected to Germany

I didn't hear much about Germany before 2009. I had never been to Germany or known anyone close to me who had traveled there in recent years, but as I told people about my plans to move this spring, stories came out of the woodwork.

One person would say, "Oh, my family was stationed there when I was a kid." Another would say, "I was an exchange student there in college." Then I'd hear, "My uncle married a woman from Germany." And last, but not least, someone would add, "My ancestors were German. I'd love to trace back to where they lived."

While no one ever mentioned German roots to me before 2009, now I feel like nearly every person, or at least every family, has a connection to this great country. And while I found a few stories online about some women (military wives in particular) who did not like living in Germany and wanted to return to the States, every person I know who's been to, or lived in, Germany loved every minute of it and would love to go back again someday. It's just different enough to be exciting, but still similar enough to our US culture that it's not too scary.

Recently, I've even learned that some folks reading this blog have a special connection to Germany, which is why a friend sent them the link. So now I know there are people I've never met who read this blog and I'm glad it brings back good memories for them! I love the idea of making people smile as they remember their own adventures in Germany and the similar transition stories they experienced.

Lessons from a True World Traveler

I wanted to share this great article a friend found online called "20 Things I've Learned from Traveling Around the World for Three Years." Click here to read it.

From what I've learned in my first three months outside the US, I couldn't have said it better myself!

100 Days

Today marks the 100th day I've lived in Germany. What a transition it's been!

After submitting my paperwork on June 4th, I finally received my residence permit with permission to work yesterday...day 99! This means I'll start teaching business English at companies around the Stuttgart area in the next couple weeks.

While I'm still no where near fluent in German, I can now say important things like "Can I have...," "I need...," "Sorry, my German is bad." and "How much does this cost?" I'm far more confident today going out by myself than I was when I arrived in May. I used to be petrified someone would talk to me in German and I wouldn't know how to respond. Now I'm used to it and have some basic phrases ready to go!

Many people from home have asked me if I'm happy here. The answer is a resounding YES! I am learning so much about myself and about what's really important in life as I explore this new culture. When you grow up without an international presence in your life, you tend to think things are done the American way all over the world...WRONG! Now that I'm seeing the way Europeans live, I can analyze the differences and decide which way I think is the best for me. They have different education systems, governmental structures, recycling laws, and general ways of living. I know I've mentioned some of these things before but most places are closed on Sundays, there are bike paths everywhere, cars are much smaller here, people aren't attached to their cell phones or jobs 24/7, and energy usage is a big deal here! That all takes some getting used to, but allows me to determine what matters to me and what doesn't.

When I see Alfons put away his work phone on Friday evening and not check it again until Sunday evening or Monday morning, that's pretty telling that he wants to focus on what's going on at home on Saturday and Sunday. He knows that if his company had a real issue he needed to tend to, that they'd contact him at home. He doesn't need to carry both cell phones and check work email every few hours, like most people in the States do. That doesn't mean that he doesn't work hard Monday-Friday. It just means he knows how to separate those areas of his life from one another, which is nice!

And regarding cars here, did you know that all the car companies make a smaller model than the ones you've seen in the US? Ford makes a Ka, Nissan makes a Micra, and Toyota makes an Aygo and IQ (both smaller than my Yaris). While these vehicles probably wouldn't be successful in the States since people love their pickups and SUVs, they are great cars and are a good option here since parking is limited and the city roads are small.

So those are some of my thoughts on Day 100. Thanks for following the blog and here's to more great adventures in the next 100 days! Cheers!!!

Get it? Got it. Good!

Have you ever realized how people change the way they talk when speaking to kids? Adults unconsciously change the vocabulary they use and speed at which they talk to match a child's age and situation. There's a technical term for this called rough-tuning, and nearly all adults do it without needing to learn how.

As I meet new people here in Germany, I am now able to rough-tune my speech fairly quickly based on the person's English skills and understanding of what I say. It only takes a couple sentences for me to translate their facial expressions, and I have to be careful because there's a fine line between sounding condescending and properly rough-tuning to the person's language level.

What's funny about rough-tuning is that you immediately bounce back to your regular level when necessary. When I call my family and friends back home, I talk super fast and use typical slang no one here would understand, such as "get my ducks in a row."

Did you ever realize that "get" is a slang word that has multiple meanings? Do you get me? Go and get it! Get into it! Get up! Get going! Got it? The Germans who only know basic English have a hard time with this one, so I have to remember not to use that word since there are better words to describe what I am trying to say. Do you understand me? Go and buy it! Wake up!

With Alfons, I can use about 95% of my regular (American) English vocabulary and I speak at about 90% of my regular speed. He's familiar with most daily slang, and I can use words like gonna, wanna, shoulda, etc, but I still try not to use the true slang stuff like what they say on Jersey Shore. (I hope he never has to learn what those fools are saying!)

With some of my friends whose English skills are pretty good, I just slow things down and again try to choose my words wisely so they understand me the first time without having to ask or be confused. If I say an uncommonly used word they probably never learned, like shuttle or bumper car, then I usually say "do you know shuttle?" before going on, so they don't feel silly asking.

With some folks I meet whose English skills are not so great, I speak very slowing (in a non-condescending way) and I smile a lot. I praise them for what they say correctly and I show them how bad my German is, so they feel better!  In fact, I just learned the German words for, "Forgive me. My German is very bad." That usually makes people smile and at least they know I'm trying!

Here are some basic words I have learnd to replace when possible to help ensure a mutual understanding:

Get = buy, understand, grab, etc.
Right = correct
Niece = sister's daughter
Do laundry = wash my clothes
Awesome = super (Super is a German word too.)

So if you decide to visit and would like to meet my German friends, don't be surprised if I need to translate some of your English into their English to be sure my friends don't misunderstand you!

Aleve Me Alone!

I've now realized that Americans are pill lovers!  We have an over-the-counter pill for every problem...even for different versions of the same problem. We not only have cold medicine, but there's sinus cold medicine, sore throat cold medicine, coughing cold medicine, body aches cold medicine, daytime cold medicine, nighttime cold medicine, etc, etc, etc.

Here in Germany, there's just all-natural heal-the-body medicines. Their medicines don't really cure the problems, but are supposed to make you get over it more quickly. And the selection available is not great!

Alfons and I got a head cold this week and luckily I had some Aleve Cold & Sinus in my purse. When he asked what type of medicine it was, I said "it will make you feel like you're not sick and you can plow through the day like normal." He then replied something like, "so it's not going to cure the sickness, but instead just cover up the symptoms? How does that help me get better?" I laughed!

Americans have too many things on their to-do list to be sick! They have work to do, kids to pick up, meals to cook, bills to pay, lawns to mow...and there's just no time to be sick, so they do what they can to just "plow through it."

While I didn't mind being sick this week since I'm not working right now and have nothing on my to-do list, I wonder how I'll feel when I have to call in sick to work or cancel evening plans once my Aleve runs out.

Only if You're a Farmer

Disclaimer: I don't know the actual farmland laws here, but this is based on what my farming German friends have explained to me.

The housing outside the big cities is separated into small villages where all the houses are clumped together. While some people have a very small front or back yard, many don't have anything but a little landscaping with a sidewalk.

In between each of the villages is typically farmland. The only houses you can find between villages are farmhouses with a barn. That's because people are not allowed to purchase farmland to build a house with a big yard. In order to purchase farmland or a farmhouse in Germany, you must prove you are a farmer. You have to go in front of a judge and discuss your farming experience, which for most people comes from growing up in a farming family. Typically when those children grow up, they rent a few acres from farmers to grow their own fruits and vegetables to get more experience and practice before owning their own large farms.

(Forgive the fogginess in this picture, but it offers a good example of the village/farmland layout in our area. You can click to enlarge it.)

Both agriculture and the beauty that nature brings to Germany are very important to the people here. While some villagers would like to own a small piece of land for a horse or large garden, it is more important to them to preserve the landscape and beauty of this country. So those folks are left with only the option of renting an acre or two from a farmer down the road.

Since only farmers can purchase the large properties, someone who owns a farmhouse with land cannot sell it to just anybody. Even if a family with a lot of money wants to buy the property, the farmer typically cannot sell it to them if they cannot prove they have farming experience and plan to use the land for agricultural purposes. In rare cases, a judge can determine that the property in question doesn't need to be farmed anymore and someone else can have it, such as if a village wants to purchase a portion of a farmer's property to expand its size. That doesn't happen very often though, because most villages want to stay small and quaint.

No Buttons Please

We live about 15 miles outside a big city in a small village of about 3,000 people and are surrounded by farm fields. Many non-farmers rent a small piece of land from a farmer so they can have a garden to grow their own fruits, vegetables and flowers.

The great thing for me is that those hobby farmers usually grow more than they need, so in many places around this area you'll see a sign or cart by the road that says "Blumen" (flowers) or "Gemuse" (vegetables). Since it's not possible for these people to man their field or cart all day, they charge people using an honor system. There's typically a small sign with prices listed and a locked cash box with a small hole to drop in your coins.

Just down the road is a flower field that has different flowers every few months as the seasons change. When I go for a walk through the fields, sometimes I stop and cut a few fresh tulips or gladiolas for the house...if I have some change in my pocket. Unfortunately, some people just leave buttons or lint in the box since no one is watching, but that doesn't happen too often, according to my friends with a vegetable cart a few villages over from ours.

My friends sell zucchinis, pumpkins, potatoes and some vegetables I've never seen and thus, cannot translate for you! So far, they've had great sales on the weekends and there was only one day that five zucchinis were gone, but there was no money in the box. My friend was really disappointed that day, but I suggested she just think of it as charity and assume those people needed a free meal for their family that day.

So it's a win-win for everyone. The hobby farmers get a few extra euros each week and I get fresh flowers and vegetables any time I want...so long as there's change in my pocket!

In the Moment

Life in Germany is different. People aren't in such a hurry here and they tend to focus more on the moment at hand rather than what could be. For example, people here do not put their cell phones on the table at dinner. That is considered extremely rude because the person sitting in front of you should be more important than any potential phone call or text.

I think in the States, we've been conditioned to always be available and if we don't answer a phone call or text immediately, others get annoyed or worried. I've now realized that those people can wait and that I'm not important enough to get any calls or texts that are so urgent they can't wait until after my dinner.

Speaking of dinner, that's a whole different experience too. Servers take your order, bring your food, then leave you alone. One reason they can do this is because there are no free refills, so people don't chug their drinks and expect a full glass to appear in front of them. There's also very little tipping, so the servers don't have to be your friend by the end of the meal to get a good tip. You typically leave less than a buck if everything was fine and stop there. Since the servers are paid by the hour at the restaurant and not from the tips, you can sit and have a drink or meal for as long as you want. No one pressures you to get up from the table and the server just waits for you to flag them down to get the bill whenever you are done. They don't usually drop it off because you might decide you want another beer or coffee. It usually takes Americans a while to get used to this dining style, and I've finally adjusted. It's nice.

Life on Sundays is very different. Stores are closed here and it's supposed to be a family day, whether you are religious or not. Neighbors do not want to see you mowing the grass or washing your car. You are supposed to be spending time with family or friends just enjoying one another's company. The only things that are open on Sundays are restaurants and cool places to take your family like castles, pools, amusement parks, etc. It's great to see moms, dads, sisters and brothers all spending real quality time with each other.

Professionals also get six weeks of vacation time per year here. This, again, promotes quality family time and reduces stress and burn-out at work. While I'm a hard worker at the office, I really like that the culture here doesn't expect people to work around the clock and be attached to their BlackBerries 24/7. Germany truly embraces the concept of a work/life balance, which most American companies only pretends to support.

No Kangaroos in Austria

Alfons whisked me away to Vienna, Austria this past weekend to see a beautiful city with hundreds of years of stories to tell. While the weather did not cooperate for our city tour on Saturday, Friday evening and Sunday afternoon were delightful!

When we arrived, we walked down Maria Hilfer Strasse (the shopping zone) to the city center to see the Parliament building and other gov't buildings that were hundreds of years old. They were beautiful, but both Alfons and I were surprised that the city wasn't cleaner and better maintained as far as sidewalks and streets. The very touristy places were nice, but as soon as you were off the main grounds, things weren't as well-kept.

The food was my favorite part. We went down a small side street and found an awesome little cafe on Friday night that served delicious steaks, the best-cooked broccoli I have ever tasted and perfectly seasoned potatoes. On Saturday, we had wonderful schnitzel as we sampled each of the house wines. We wrapped the meals up on Sunday with a slice of Mozart Torte and Sacher Torte, traditional chocolate Viennese cakes.

The highlight of the city was the beautiful Schoenbrunn Palace where the infamous Austrian Empress Sisi lived. The gardens were unbelievable and the interior decorations of the palace weren't too over-the-top like most palaces. It was very tastefully done...for an Empress anyway!

Rosetta Stone Review

Tons of people have asked about my opinion on the Rosetta Stone language learning software. I have finished the first of three levels in German and I'm fairly satisfied with my progress, but it's not easy. I've read lots of reviews in the last few days to get more thoughts and here are my conclusions:

1) The first level is extremely basic and doesn't teach conversation. It's focused more on simple vocabulary and sentence structure, which is important if you really plan to learn the language. But if you just want to know enough to get by on a vacation, you'll be frustrated that it's teaching you "the ball is blue."  Levels two and three (from what I read) are far more conversational.

2) You cannot return (past a month or so) or resell the product...ever!  The company was sneaky enough to put controls on the disk so if it's ever put in a second computer, you have to call the company for them to unlock it so you can use it again. From the reviews, I have heard this is a nightmare and that you have to prove your purchase. Even if you never officially register the product, it somehow knows the original owner. In short, you're not going to get any of the money back and it is VERY expensive, so you had better use it!

3) Since the software is self-paced and you need discipline to get through it, it's really best for people who MUST learn a language rather than for those who just WANT to learn a language. It gets hard...really hard at times. It also gets frustrating when the sentences don't make sense or they teach you a word that doesn't have a direct translation into English. We think the translations should be one-to-one where each word has a different meaning in that new language, but it's not that simple. German, for example, doesn't have a direct translation for "sorry" so you have to say "it does myself sorrow."

4) It shouldn't be your only tool for learning the new language. I would recommend having small phrase books or quick learning manuals by your bedside to teach yourself for 10-15 minutes per night as well. It gives you another way to learn and you can look at the subjects you want to know.

5) Speaking of subjects, Rosetta Stone has its own curriculum and there's no skipping things. While I have already learned the names of many sports in German (which aren't particularly interesting to me), I still have not learned the parts of the body. That means when my neighbor's kid falls down and hurts himself, I don't know what is injured, his wrist or his shoulder. I had to look to other resources to teach myself those types of things I wanted to know.

6) There's no language teacher available for asking questions. If you don't have someone close by who knows the language you're learning, you'll struggle with the Rosetta Stone. There will be times when you have no idea what the program is trying to teach you and you'll need a multi-language dictionary, or better yet, someone you can discuss it with. Rosetta Stone doesn't explain the grammar rules or sentence structure. It tells you the sentences and expects you to figure out the patterns.

Overall, I'm reasonably happy with the product and my progress so far, but I don't think I'd buy it again if I had the choice. I would opt for an actual language class that was scheduled weekly and that expected me to do some homework so I could move forward more quickly. At home, it's so easy to think you'll just do that module tomorrow. I should be a lot farther along in my software than I actually am, and that's frustrating.

If you decide to buy it, good luck and stick with it! If after reading this you think there's probably a better language learning method out there for you, I encourage you to put it on your to-do list (today) and find out when there's a class or club meeting near you. And go on Amazon right now and order a cheap language learning book to get you excited about the potential!

Formality Bites

I ran across a website the other day comparing the differences between American and German culture. I laughed my head off when I read these two things. (I've edited them into my own words.)

1) Germans use a fork AND a knife to eat their food, while Americans typically use the fork AS the knife. Americans also like to eat with their hands, skipping the utensils altogether, which is a no-no most days in Germany.

When I first moved here, Alfons asked me multiple times to please use my knife to cut things. It took me a while to get used to it, but now I can use both utensils without looking stupid. Of course, I still cut things with my fork at home when we're eating alone and I just accept his eye rolling.

2) Germans like formality, while Americans tend to think formality is hoity-toity and that genuine friendliness calls for informality.

Before I came to Germany, I told a friend I was worried that people overseas wouldn't like me, since the Germans I met in my MBA classes told me I was TOO open and friendly for the German culture. My American friend quickly replied, "One moment. I'm getting a news flash from the Stuttgart Times. The headline reads 'American woman singlehandedly makes entire country of Germany 70% more friendly.'" That lifted my spirits!  I do think I'm making little changes in our neighborhood.  I wave at neighbors I pass in my car and say hallo to anyone I walk past on the roads. In the first few weeks, no one waved back or said anything in return, but now that people are meeting me (or hearing about me from other neighbors they know), people are waving back and saying hallo too. :-)

I mentioned to Alfons that many Germans I have met so far judge people as soon as they see them. He actually confirmed that to be fairly true and I replied, "I hope they label me as 'that friendly American girl!'"

Friday, I signed for a package that belonged to another guy in our building who wasn't home. I didn't know what the guy looked like, but later that evening, Alfons saw him pull up in front of the building so I grabbed the package and started to walk out the door.  I figured the guy probably didn't speak English, so I asked Alfons if I could say "Das ist fur dich," which means "This is for you," only the "you" in this case is the informal "you" in German. Alfons immediately corrected me and said don't EVER use the informal "you" with an older person you don't know. So I went out the door, said the man's last name to be sure I had the right guy, handed him the package, and he said, "danke (thank you)" and smiled. I hope he thinks I'm friendly, even though Alfons wouldn't let me use the informal "you." Uh oh! I suppose the guy I met in the laundry room last week thinks I'm crazy for saying "Wie geht's?" which is the very informal version of "How are you?"  Now I know better.

The article I found online was not only right about the general American culture, but it was dead-on regarding my behavior. It's certainly an adjustment being here in Germany, but I'm not going to let anyone change my genuine friendliness. Most people who have gotten to know me here say it's refreshing and they don't mind my informality at all. Thank goodness the English language doesn't have a formal and informal "you" because I bet I would have gotten in trouble with that all my life!