Formality Bites

I ran across a website the other day comparing the differences between American and German culture. I laughed my head off when I read these two things. (I've edited them into my own words.)

1) Germans use a fork AND a knife to eat their food, while Americans typically use the fork AS the knife. Americans also like to eat with their hands, skipping the utensils altogether, which is a no-no most days in Germany.

When I first moved here, Alfons asked me multiple times to please use my knife to cut things. It took me a while to get used to it, but now I can use both utensils without looking stupid. Of course, I still cut things with my fork at home when we're eating alone and I just accept his eye rolling.

2) Germans like formality, while Americans tend to think formality is hoity-toity and that genuine friendliness calls for informality.

Before I came to Germany, I told a friend I was worried that people overseas wouldn't like me, since the Germans I met in my MBA classes told me I was TOO open and friendly for the German culture. My American friend quickly replied, "One moment. I'm getting a news flash from the Stuttgart Times. The headline reads 'American woman singlehandedly makes entire country of Germany 70% more friendly.'" That lifted my spirits!  I do think I'm making little changes in our neighborhood.  I wave at neighbors I pass in my car and say hallo to anyone I walk past on the roads. In the first few weeks, no one waved back or said anything in return, but now that people are meeting me (or hearing about me from other neighbors they know), people are waving back and saying hallo too. :-)

I mentioned to Alfons that many Germans I have met so far judge people as soon as they see them. He actually confirmed that to be fairly true and I replied, "I hope they label me as 'that friendly American girl!'"

Friday, I signed for a package that belonged to another guy in our building who wasn't home. I didn't know what the guy looked like, but later that evening, Alfons saw him pull up in front of the building so I grabbed the package and started to walk out the door.  I figured the guy probably didn't speak English, so I asked Alfons if I could say "Das ist fur dich," which means "This is for you," only the "you" in this case is the informal "you" in German. Alfons immediately corrected me and said don't EVER use the informal "you" with an older person you don't know. So I went out the door, said the man's last name to be sure I had the right guy, handed him the package, and he said, "danke (thank you)" and smiled. I hope he thinks I'm friendly, even though Alfons wouldn't let me use the informal "you." Uh oh! I suppose the guy I met in the laundry room last week thinks I'm crazy for saying "Wie geht's?" which is the very informal version of "How are you?"  Now I know better.

The article I found online was not only right about the general American culture, but it was dead-on regarding my behavior. It's certainly an adjustment being here in Germany, but I'm not going to let anyone change my genuine friendliness. Most people who have gotten to know me here say it's refreshing and they don't mind my informality at all. Thank goodness the English language doesn't have a formal and informal "you" because I bet I would have gotten in trouble with that all my life!