Should I Say "You" or "You?"

In some languages, there are two different words for "you." Spanish, for example, has "tu" and "usted," and it's sometimes hard for English speakers to know when to use which "you." Unfortunately for me, the German language also has two, "du" (the informal) and "Sie" (the formal - notice the capitalization!).

Relationship distance is very important in German business and colleagues are not encouraged to be friends, so most offices stick with "Sie" when addressing one another, even if they are at an equal status. Who knows, one person may get promoted down the road and become the boss of the other, and you can't switch back to the formal "Sie" after you've made the decision to use the informal "du." That's where it gets weird!

As I learn more German, I must remember both forms, but when I practice my German, it's always with Alfons, friends, children in the neighborhood or in my class where we always use "du." I know the "Sie" form, but my brain immediately goes to the informal when I'm trying to form sentences or questions.

So one day, just before Christmas, I was shopping in a kitchen store with Alfons. We were searching for a nice can opener for his mom. I didn't know the word for can opener, so Alfons told me and I agreed to ask someone working in the shop. So I found an older lady and asked "Hast du ein Dosenöffner?" BAD CARA!!! The lady didn't answer my question and immediately raised her voice back at me saying things I couldn't understand...but Alfons could. He jumped in front of me and started talking back to her in German. I really had no idea what was going on (at the time).


When we left the store, I asked Alfons what just happened and he said, "She was really pissed at you because you used "du" instead of "Sie." I thought that was ridiculous since I'm just learning German and she should have known that by my horrible pronunciation. He said that to the woman (during her rant) and she responded, "Well, she needs to tell people her German is bad before she just calls people 'du!'" I couldn't believe she got so upset with me.

A few other bad things had happened that day, so this was the last straw for me and I broke down and cried, right in the mall. I was TRYING to practice my German in a real situation and I thought that was a good thing. I NEVER intended to offend anyone or get yelled at for asking if the store sells can openers.


In fact, I had said "Hast du..." a few times at other places, but the people didn't care. My friends would say "use 'Sie,' Cara," but the person always said it was no big deal and they would praise my elementary German skills. There are still some people who are very traditional, and that mentality includes a social hierarchy where you still speak to your elders more politely than to those your own age.

Well, now I know better and won't make that mistake again. Maybe if they new English, they'd understand there's only one 'you' and I'm not being disrespectful. I'm just learning!