Stepping out of your own culture and back in it again is very enlightening and makes you realize how we honestly do shape our children's minds and our future with the words we pass down from generation to generation.
My mom always said, "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all." Good advice, right? It's a must for becoming a kind person who follows the golden rule. But the other side of that coin is, "Honesty is the best policy." Now, please don't misunderstand. I'm not saying that to tell the truth you have to be rude, but if you really think about it, those two common pieces of advice are quite contradictory and depending on which one your mom said more often, it probably had a pretty big impact on how you share information with people.
Perhaps many of you are thinking that there's a happy medium, and I would have to agree. There's no need to tell your wife her butt does, in fact, look big in those jeans, but there's also no reason to blatantly lie and say she looks fabulous. As long as tact is involved, I'm starting to lean more toward the honesty end of the spectrum as I now deem that as a bit more important in the long run. I've noticed that our culture has leaned so far the other way though, many people don't want to cause any stir and thus just say what people want to hear instead of what's truly on their mind. That's frustrating for me.
Another example is that most girls in the American culture dream of a big wedding with the long white gown, while their parents envision a virgin walking down the aisle. My German friends laughed at this philosophy as if it were decades old, but that Americans still hang on to that shred of hope that "happily ever after" exists. I was actually stunned when I found out that Prince William and Kate Middleton had lived together before they got married. I would have thought that type of behavior would be forbidden for a future king, but Europeans aren't living in a fairy tale world that's scripted like "Leave it to Beaver."
In fact, a couple of my friends in Germany had a child out of wedlock and it was PLANNED! Call them crazy, but they decided to have a family together without the paperwork. Now for more religious folks, it goes against the Lord's teachings, but for those who aren't religious, there's no reason TO get married, except for a change in tax status. Our CULTURE has taught us that we are supposed to go to school, get married, have 2.3 children and die together of old age. While it works for some, is that model really possible for everyone?
The Europeans have figured out that our life progression plan needs updating, but that hasn't come across the Atlantic, even though the traditional stairway is not working for most people. (Yes, I know that's a big can to open and perhaps I'll share more thoughts on that later, but right now, this is really sticking out at me as a huge influence we have in shaping our own mindset and behavior as Americans.)
A few other quick examples, kids up to age 8 or even 10 just strip down at the local swimming pools in Germany to change back into their street clothes. Everyone can see them and there's no fuss. When I had a male friend visiting the other day and my three-year-old niece walked in the living room totally naked, I immediately sent her back to her room to put on some clothes because we had a visitor. Then I realized I-I-I-I was teaching her that naked is somehow wrong. Says WHO!
And finally, a friend was dropping me off at the train station during my last week of teaching in Germany and I couldn't find the kiosk to buy my ticket, so she jumped out of her car and ran the other direction to help me search since my train was leaving soon. What was weird about the situation was that she left her 2-year-old son in the car while she and I were running up and down the platforms looking for a place to buy my ticket. When I saw her run the other way and realized the little one was back in the car, wide awake, I immediately ran back to the car, but then I looked around and realized it wasn't a big deal. There was no threat to his safety. That's when my new perspective kicked in and I recognized that we have gone too far in America in regards to fearing the worst in every situation.
What questions do you answer with "that's how I was raised?" I think it's time to dig a little deeper.
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